Six weeks of LIFE

The last Six weeks, I have seen vicious tides and turns, never witnessed before. This was in serious contrast to what I have been used to over the past 2 years, or even more. The last time I had experienced turmoils, remotely close to the current one, it was way back in Feb 2008. But this one was a damn extreme!!! I remember every single moment, and I don't think I will ever forget.
Here goes the story.

Last three years, I have been busting my ass at work, to accomplish various goals that came by in the way. Each day was a new challenge. The morning was packed with a couple of meetings, and then bit of offshore coordination.  Before I could realize, it was lunch time. Post lunch was marred by a million queries from various people, and many other design thoughts and discussions. Weeks would pass by with me not editing a line of code. Many a times I used to think "Am I still a Developer?". I only touched it on urgent basis, which rarely occurred, thanks to the quality of delivery from offshore. This had been the lifestyle which I got used to. 

Then came December, and work load began to decrease. By Feb, there wasn't much challenge left, and that sent me into a restless and thinking mode. I started asking, "What Next?". I began to self generate work and different challenges for myself, and my team, to keep things moving and the motivation alive. I started planning things about myself, which I never got time for earlier. I thought of a million options, within and outside the organization, but could not conclude anything. Although I was more inclined towards a career within, due to certain reasons. 

Then one fine day, my sister scolded me real bad to send her a power of attorney, and hence I planned a trip to NYC. The same day, I got a call that Credit Suisse wants to see me for a good position. Well, I thought, I'm anyhow going, let me go and meet those guys as well. Went to NYC, got my POA signed, and met these folks. Next day, got a call from the intermediate vendor that CS folks want me to join their group. I didn't respond. The next one week, I spent pondering hell about it. The main reason for confusion was that I had things planned for myself within the current organization, and wasn't sure whether what I'm doing is good or not. Finally, I thought to explore things, before I reach a situation where I am restricted by other factors of livelihood. Hence, I told my manager, sought his opinion and expressed my wish. And a fabulous guy that he is, he completely supported my wish, and offered all the help from his end.

Came to work on 16th May, and called my reporting manager to discuss with him. As usually happens with the guy, he didn't pick up, so I left a voicemail. I can't understand when these morons would begin to realize that a billable resource is an asset to the company, and hence should be kept at a certain priority. They freaking decide to ignore EVERYTIME. Then I went and met Lanre, my Client Dept manager,  and expressed my wish. Had a lengthy discussion with him, which led me to appreciate him even more. Later that day, I told everyone in the team. At night called offshore and informed them about it. That was an emotionally tough moment for me, after a long long time (The last time I felt like this was when I was coming back from a vacation to home. It used to be easy, as I had parted several times, but that time, it wasn't easy to bear the look on my maa's face. I just rushed from there.).

After discussion, I gave 1st June as my joining date for the new place. Next week and a half was spent in knowledge transfer and other things. Then all of a sudden, one fine Wednesday morning an unknown person calls and says there are some issues related to my joining that needs to be settled down. This all went through Thursday, with the cat fight among people going on, related to me, and not seeking my opinion. All this landed me into a 'no job' situation. Hence, here I was, on the second last day at my workplace, attending my farewell party, standing among wonderful people who appreciated my work over the time, trying to say a thank you note, with a million things running on the back of my mind. Anyhow, I managed to hold myself, went home, thinking about Friday, my last day at that place, and pondering about what to do next. Friday morning, I had barely settled at my desk, when my manager came to present me with an iPad 2, that they had collectively bought as a farewell token. I thought, "Boyyy!! people know me here!!". With all the turbulence going on within me, I didn't even get a chance to meet all the guys to personally thank them. I spent the rest of the morning to set up a meeting with some folks in NYC. It was early closing, so the rest of the afternoon was spent in meeting people who stopped by to say goodbye, and trying to draft a thank you email to all the people I could remember. All these turbulence didn't even give me a chance to look and appreciate the desk I had been sitting for the last 2.5 years. While I got up and began to leave, Ashish Sawant came from his desk and gave an emotional hug. That was when I realized that I will not be sitting there ever again. That there will be something left behind. The thought ran like a electric current through me. Anyhow, I came out with the gang, and then ran to catch a train to NYC. All these folks were unaware of my situation, only my earlier roommate knowing about my it. He cancelled his long weekend plans, and decided to stay with me while I try to fight my situation. The long weekend I spent thinking about not what happened but how to proceed. The next three weeks were worse than hell...

Professional odyssey

For some weird reason, I feel like writing something after a loooooong time. I was actively blogging for a couple of years after college, but then either lost enthusiasm, or life caught on me. Infact, url to those blogs still exist in my personal email signature, and coz I haven't posted anything for so long, I have to delete it every time I send out an email. Today when I checked back, two of those urls don't even exist. Hence, I decided to revive one, and write this piece.
Last couple of months were anxious and restless. I started looking back at my professional journey, and how it started. It is tough to mark a starting point to this journey, but it could probably be the day when I seriously started thinking about it.
I still remember March 31st 2000. I was standing alone at the gate of my school, waiting for the bus to get home, holding my 11th standard results, staring at a Shoonya. I wanted to reach somewhere, but had no clue where. I knew I had to do a bachelors in engineering, but 'how' and 'where' were the questions bothering me too much. I was clueless on what it takes to get in there. I had no execution plan.
I carved out one, and worked on it for the next year.
As I was getting ready to enter the counselling hall to opt for a seat for myself, I experienced a weird confidence. I felt that I don't know if this is the best decision or not, but I will certainly not regret it. That weird confidence still backs me up in many difficult situations. May be that was the day I quit the nervousness I felt throughout my entrance examinations.
I feel that was the ending of first phase of my professional journey. Today, I was thinking a lot, and seemed to be staring at the same Shoonya again, which I did 11 years back, standing on my school's gate holding the results of my 11th.